Does anyone *really* enjoy going? Or do most people just pretend like me?
My first mothers group experience was awful. Bailey was a couple of weeks old and at his check-up with the dragon health nurse, she ‘suggested’ (read – guilt tripped me) that I trundle down to the local ‘Young Mums and Bubs’ group, so I could make friends with girls my age with kids around Bailey’s age. And so that Bailey could ‘socialise’.
Because 2 week old infants do that.
So we went, and I’ll admit I wasn’t overly enthusiastic. And I’m not always the most outgoing person, but I’ve never had a problem getting along with people and making friends.
These girls were horrible.
I consider myself one of the least judgemental people around. But jesus.
After meeting these girls, I could kind of understand why I copped a fair bit of shit for being a young-ish mum. They openly discussed how much they drank and smoked, and what drugs they did throughout pregnancy. How much money and perks they were getting from the government. How their parents could fuck off and mind their own business.
It made me so sad for these innocent bubs. But also for these mums, who for whatever reasons, were heading down a painful road….
Needless to say I didn’t go back, instead I decided to try the other mum’s group in the area. It wasn’t too bad. All the other mums were 30 plus, which I didn’t have an issue with, but I did feel sort of talked down to the first time I went, but all in all it was ok until they deemed me as ‘in the group’ and felt it was ok to confess their pre-judgments on a 21 yr old with a newborn. Who didn’t breastfeed. The horror.
‘Hahaha, we were a bit worried, but you obviously care for your child. I mean, you can’t blame us, younger women do seem to have a tougher time raising kids. Look at what’s around”
After the first mother’s group experience I didn’t feel like I could really defend young mums, so I just kind of felt defeated and uncomfortable. And as they got into the conversation I began to question myself more and more, even imagining that I was a substandard parent because we hadn’t brought a house before having Bailey, because he was bottle-fed (out of necessity), because I didn’t take him to baby-yoga, because we were ‘accidental parents’, and of course the list goes on.
I can see how silly that was now, of course. It should have taken me one look at my happy healthy bub to know that wasn’t the case, but instead I continued to let it eat at me for the next couple of years, blaming myself everytime he threw-up or had a temperature or I didn’t know what he wanted. Everytime he hit his head, or I couldn’t sooth his teething pain, and that one time when he had to be rushed to the hospital, was because I was an inadequate parent.
Luckily I now know that’s not true, but of course I doubt myself a fair bit. The thing that has changed the most is that I now realise how lucky I was to have him when I did, before my health went downhill. And even if it hadn’t, I still think the timing was good. For me, anyway.
I don’t know what I’d do without him ❤
x
Hypersensationalism 