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Archive for November, 2010

Putting Bailey in daycare was really, really hard for me.

He is naturally a fairly quiet child and tends to be pretty cautious, is not overly outgoing etc. We have also had separation-anxiety problems, and he has had some generalized anxiety. The main cause of these issues is clearly the health problems I’ve had, so I’ve always felt a fair bit of guilt over that.

So, we obviously waited until things were stable at home, and he could handle all day to day stuff before thinking about daycare.  We knew straight away that a center wouldn’t work for Bailey, so we decided to look for family daycare and to try to book him on a day with just a few kids.  That was about 8 months ago now and he is a different child. He has just come so far, in so many ways.  And alot of that is thanks to his carer, who really clicked with him and has taken a special interest in his development. His carer, her hubby and myself and Craig have become pretty good friends also. So all in all, daycare has been great for all of us.

Until Bailey’s carer showed up on our doorstep in tears the other day.

My first thought was that something had happened within her family and she needed help, or for us to watch her kids. She came in, sat down, and went on to tell us that there had been an incident the last day Bailey was with her. I thought, ‘Well it can’t have been that bad, he’s absolutely fine’. As she went on it was clear that she had made a very grave oversight, which if not for a stroke of luck, would have threatened his life. I was absolutely shocked, just lost for words. She said she’d leave us to talk it over, so I walked her out. As we got to her car she pretty much started hyperventilating, it was horrible. I felt so bad for her, and for myself and Craig, and for Bailey – even though he has no idea that he was ever even in any danger.

The thing that scares me the most is that if she – who just adores kids and has built her whole life around them – can make a mistake like this, then surely I – fairly scattered at the best of times, and never even thought I’d be a mum before becoming one – could do it too. I’m finding myself really struggling with anxiety when he is out of my sight, I’m having horrible nightmares about him being in dangerous situations and dying, and I don’t know how to make myself feel better.

I’m so, so grateful that he is alive and well.

x

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