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Archive for November, 2012

Been listening to this a bit lately…

I’m a shockingly bad blogger. Everyday something happens, and I think ‘I’d love to blog about that’. I haven’t been able to find a lot of words lately. Not to mention air.

I’m getting through.

I need to leave here for awhile and while I know it’s the right choice, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I dont mean the practical stuff, although packing up a house, 3 sheds, 3 horses, 2 cats, 2 dogs and moving to a beach shack is challenging. I mean it’s ripping my heart out to let go a little bit. I’ll miss some things here intensley, my friends, work, my lifestyle, the horses.

Things that I love when I am well are just such a burden when I’m not well.

At the same time there is this almost sickening lightness, a high that comes from living through things you never thought you’d be able to, not that you could have imagined having to.

Not much scares me now, and thats both good and bad.

I’m planning on coming back in time for the start of the school year in 2014 but maybe I never ever will.

Once the decision was made, that was that. I am getting a fair bit of judgement from people, but for maybe the first time in my life I just don’t care. No-one has to agree with me, no-one else has to live this. No-one else knows the full story, and I don’t feel the need to explain.

Bailey and I are going to have a fantastic year. I am going to recover. And if this new tumour spreads into my brain tissue he will remember the year we took time off to hold each other close.

I feel quite pleasantly detatched most of the time, thank god. That will dissipate at some point but I’ll be ok.

I’ll never be ok, not truly.

But that’s ok.

x

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I really like this song.

We do live in a beautiful world.

A beautiful, terrifying, cruel, wonderful, meaningless, pointless world.

The point is to give it meaning.

All of us are done for, so why worry?

Be kind.  Love yourself.  Look at the stars.

I think it’s obvious I haven’t had a coffee yet 😉

Much love

x

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