Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for May, 2014

(again)

 

Up the hill.

Sometimes it seems like it’s either fucking cold or really fucking hot, but we have been having some in-between weather lately and I’m grateful for that. And rain. On my tin roof. Small things matter.

I live in a town that seems further than the hour, or roughly 70kms, that it stands from Perth. Our house is ‘in town’, on a few acres. It’s usually pretty quiet. We’re walking distance to the Primary School, playground, bakery, post office, real estate etc.

I like so many things about living here. Actual seasons, spring especially is amazing. Seeing hayrolls and tractors and lambs. It’s a horse-orientated area and that can be good and not so good. I have some awesome, amazing, wonderful friends. It’s low crime, people look out for each other, kids play outside and get dirty.

We have horses, dogs, chickens, a cat and a rabbit.

If someone wants to make your life hell though, it’s pretty easy to do. If you are ‘different’, people notice. Not much stays private. If you are ‘interesting’ or ‘unusual’, people will discuss your life like it’s a TV show, and then pretend they don’t know you at the next get-together.

The good outweighs the bad, usually. It turns out people are actually pretty protective of Bailey and I here, and rather than being given the cold shoulder when we came back like I half expected, most people were just glad to see that we’re ok.

Sure, people think I’m left-centre, but in a likable way I guess.

I don’t have many recent photos, and my house resembles a construction zone right now anyway, but here’s a few old ones, mostly of Bailey here.

014 157 107 102 125 131 149 153 157 009 236 237 240 245

Ash x

 

Read Full Post »

Hi. How are you guys? I’ve been ok. Making some (more) life changes, so I thought I’d write an update post.

Bailey’s sitting next to me doing a workbook, chatting away. We went to work this morning, fed the horses. He likes to come on the quad bike, and to help out with the trucks in the shed. ‘It seems like we never went to have holidays at the beach’ he said, while the stallion nuzzled his hair.

Life is good at the moment, really. I’m settling down, I think. I get anxiety a lot, but I can cope with it. I’ve realised diet plays a huge role in that, and for me vegetarianism feels right. Living out of alignment with your morals to please other people is rarely worth it, and I’m only just grasping that now. I’m trying to redo my house, make it more ‘us’. I get the feeling it’ll never be ‘done’, and that’s great. I don’t have to be hardcore intense all the time with everything. It’s ok to be vegetarian but not vegan. It’s ok to homeschool without being an advocate and opposing the mainstream school system. It’s ok to just be friendly with people, and to turn down invitations.

It’s ok to look after myself rather than everyone else.

I’ve dropped mainstream treatment. Completely. I get my bloods done every three weeks and if something changes I’ll re-assess. Long term low dose chemo has never done enough for me medically to make the side effects feel worth it. I will most likely consider high dose chemo if the time comes but for now I am just continuing to reduce toxins, nourishing my body and mind, and using some alternative therapies. I feel good about it. Right.

Reading back, this all sounds a lot lighter and happier than it has been. The anxiety, depression and ‘what if’s feel debilitating some days. I had a really rough fortnight where I didn’t see any friends, couldn’t deal with facebook, shops, anything much. That happens occasionally. Less as time goes on, I’m hoping. There’s just been so ‘much’ that sometimes my mind doesn’t cope. I know that now, and I know it will pass, even when I’m in the middle.

I read a post recently (I can’t remember who’s it was, so if it’s yours or you know who I’m talking about, shout out 🙂 ) where the writer had decided on a ‘word’ for this year. It rolled around in my head for a few days, and I ‘tried out’ various words. Truth was a good one. Whole was another.

Authenticity. That’s my word 🙂

Ash x

Image

Just a random snap – pony reunion!

Read Full Post »