Do we all have somewhere like this?
A place that makes us feel like this?
I went for a drive last week. I chucked the dogs in my old white wagon, wound the windows down (sprayed for spiders), and went for an explore.
I drove past old friends houses, and where everyone used to congregate around the mulberry tree. On shiny paved roads through what used to be bush, with names like Gumtree, Cockatiel, Bottlebrush. Past the house my Dad built, where they sell fresh eggs for $4 a dozen. Where the haunted house with the tennis courts was, units now.
Surfing beaches, swimming beaches, fishing beaches. The local names, Cosies, Dumpers, Fenceline. I wondered if people still use them.
I stopped at the old local instead of the new chain supermarket for grapes and chocolate.
My first best friend’s mum looked me straight in the eye and asked if she could help me with anything.
I just smiled, because I don’t recognise me either.
This year hasn’t been a waste of time. It’s felt like it at times but I’m. Beating. Cancer.
Everyday I wake up and get out of bed, and make coffee, and joke with Bailey, and go to the beach and drive too fast and drag myself to treatment I’m beating cancer, and that’s what I have to focus on right now.
I’ve got that burning enthusiasm again, that I lost somewhere between marriage and separation and cancer and mediocrity. It’s mental, my body doesn’t follow through, but maybe it will.
I’ve got plans, and backups, and itchy feet, and sun streaming through the windows, after what felt like the longest winter ever.
ps – I haven’t been around much. The last lot of treatment kicked my ass BADLY. But. IT’S WORKING. So now I’m gonna go catch up on what everyone else has been doing xx